The Pros and Cons of Being Single in Retirement
In a recent post, I wrote about how I’m finally at peace with being single—and I am. But being at peace doesn’t mean I never feel lonely or that I wouldn’t appreciate being in a relationship.
Being single in retirement comes with real tradeoffs. I experience the loneliness of not having a partner, but I also have total freedom over my time. I finance my retirement without a partner’s income, but I was able to retire on my own terms. I handle the responsibilities of homeownership alone, but I also have complete control of my home.
These are three real-life tradeoffs I’ve experienced as a single retiree.
Missing Companionship vs. Total Freedom Over My Time
Being a single retiree can get lonely at times. There’s no one to comfort me, no human touch, and no one to cuddle with. You know what I’m talking about. Not only that, I relocated for retirement from New Jersey to Delaware in 2024. Now I’m at least two hours from my core group of family and friends. I make a point of socializing with neighbors, traveling regularly to visit and attend events, and volunteering locally. But when I’m home, which is most of the time, there’s no one here to talk, laugh, or brainstorm ideas with.
I love to laugh. I especially enjoy that real-life Seinfeld-style humor, and when I find something funny, there’s no one here to laugh with me. The other day, I heard the ice-cream truck, and it was playing Christmas music in the middle of August. I wanted to laugh about it with someone, but all I could do was try to remember to tell my kids about it the next time I talked to them—which, of course, by then I’d forgotten.
It wouldn’t have been as funny telling someone after the fact anyway. It wasn’t just about an ice-cream truck playing Christmas music. Seeing the expressions on each other’s faces while reacting to hearing “Jingle Bells” in August would have been a big part of the humor. Some things are funnier in the moment. That’s a special experience couples can have on a regular basis: someone else is there to witness the little things as they happen.
If you live alone, do you ever have moments like that—when something happens and you wish someone else had been there to experience it with you?
But being single in retirement has some advantages, too. I’m finding more time to reflect on life—more me time to dive deeply into my thoughts and learn who I really am and what I truly want out of life.When I say I have total freedom over my time, I’m not suggesting that people in healthy relationships don’t have freedom. But living alone means I don’t have to coordinate my schedule, preferences, or plans with anyone else.
For example, at 1:30 in the morning, I can write in my diary or work on editing a video for as long as I want without disturbing anyone. I’ve been spending a lot of time working on my ideas for blogging, YouTube, and podcasting—way more time than I would if I lived with a partner. And since I often stay up late, I can sleep in whenever I need to without disrupting anyone else’s plans for the day. I can fully enjoy that retirement privilege of waking up each day and deciding what I want to accomplish—or deciding that I just want to lie around and not do much that day. It’s totally up to me.
Financing Retirement Alone vs. Retiring on My Own Terms
I earn some additional income through side hustles, but I primarily support my household with a partial pension that barely covers the bills. I see retired couples who are able to pool their resources, pay down their mortgages, and go on multiple trips each year. It’s more expensive being single and having to cover the household expenses myself.
But then again, I was able to retire early from teaching in 2022 when I felt ready. I didn’t have to discuss it with a partner or coordinate benefits. I also don’t have the situation many couples face, where one person is retired and the other is still working, creating a lifestyle mismatch.
I have a fully retired household. That doesn’t mean I never work on anything that produces income. It means there isn’t another person in my household whose full-time work schedule shapes when we can travel, spend time together, or make plans. I was free to decide when retirement was right for me.
Yes, my budget is tight, but since it’s only me here, I can more easily rough it by eating whatever is in my pantry and freezer for weeks without worrying about what someone else wants to eat. I can go for days eating spaghetti with a little butter, grated Parmesan, garlic powder, and frozen peas. That’s my go-to meal when I don’t feel like cooking or when I need to reduce my monthly spending.
Handling the Home Alone vs. Complete Control of My Home
Being a solo homeowner in retirement is a lot of work. I have to take care of both the inside and outside of my house. That’s becoming more difficult now that I’m aging, getting more frequent aches and pains, and needing more recovery time.
This summer, my sink needed to be replaced—not just the faucet, but the whole thing. I’d done this repair before in my first house, so I thought it would be straightforward. But I got stuck when the new sink’s drain didn’t line up with the P-trap, and I had to replace the P-trap. That was some serious plumbing! I’m happy to report that I got it done by watching several YouTube videos and talking to a couple of people at Lowe’s. But it would have been nice to have a partner there to help—or, better yet, to completely handle that type of thing.I would much rather do the cooking and cleaning than the repairs and yardwork. But there are also things I enjoy about being a solo homeowner.
First of all, I got to choose where to move. I relocated to Delaware because the cost of living is lower here. I didn’t have to negotiate or compromise on the location or the type of house.I’ve watched enough House Hunters episodes to know that it can be a big challenge when one person wants to live in the city center and the other wants something more suburban—or one wants a fixer-upper and the other wants something move-in ready.
I was able to find the perfect early-retirement home for me as a young single retiree. It’s big enough for me to host family events like Thanksgiving. It’s in a relatively safe location, it was mostly move-in ready, and most importantly, it has the attached garage I wanted so, after I park, I can come directly into my house without walking outside. I get to decorate it the way I want, and I don’t have to share the rooms with anyone. I have my office, my fitness room, and plenty of spaces where I can do my side-hustle work from home without getting bored.
Having complete control of my home doesn’t make the upkeep easier. It simply means the choices—and the space—are entirely mine.
Solo Aging Is a Growing Conversation
My experience is personal, but this conversation extends far beyond my own life. In the 2025 AARP article, “More Older Adults Are Living Alone. Is That a Good Thing?”, Sari Harrar reported that in 2023, one in three older women lived alone, compared with about one in five older men. Women generally live longer and are also more likely to remain single after divorce or widowhood.
That doesn’t mean all of these women are single, or that most older women live alone. But it does show that the emotional, financial, and practical realities of living alone are relevant to a significant number of older women.
I’m also reading the 2024 e-book Solo Wise: A Roadmap for Fearless Solo Aging by Beverly Bernstein Joie, which I borrowed through Hoopla. The book examines the financial, housing, and emotional aspects of aging alone. I especially appreciate its case studies and the helpful checklists included throughout the different sections.
Are you aging solo or planning for a solo retirement? Share your experience in the comments. I’d love to hear from you.
At Peace With Where I Am
So, I must admit, being single in retirement has its pros and cons. But being single isn’t a less fulfilling way to live. For me, it translates into simpler and more focused days, which is just what I need right now as I continue getting used to my new retirement lifestyle.
Maybe one day, I’ll enter into a new relationship if that’s what’s meant for me. That could be a nice and fulfilling way to live, too.
But for now, I think I’m doing pretty well as a single retiree.
For more conversation on this and other early retiree topics, be sure to browse the playlists on my YouTube channel and visit my podcast on Spotify.
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